Poker Night
by siggyhahn
Summary: Spock plays poker with the boys, against Nyota's wishes, and unintentionally reveals their relationship to the others. Post-movie. S/U, K, Su, Sc, Che. Rated M for explicit sex talk.


First fanfictition I've ever written. Please review! Negative reviews won't hurt my feelings as long as you tell me what it is you don't like.

**Context: Post-movie. No one really knows the extent of Spock's and Uhura's relationship. Spock's a tad gullible in this, but it's all for fun.**

As Buck Hollywood says, "Rate it, even if you hate it."

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When Spock informed Uhura of his plans to play poker that evening, he explained it as a positive way to develop familiar relationships with Kirk and some of the other male officers. Unfortunately Uhura had not seen it that way. "We've been on twelve hour shifts for two weeks straight, and not only do you want to spend our only night off with Kirk, but you don't want me to be there?"

Spock, who struggled as always to accurately interpret human behavior, was unsure whether Uhura genuinely wanted an answer to her question. Pausing to consider, he decided that he would simply ask a clarifying query. "Nyota, are you asking me a rhetorical question?"

The icy glare Nyota leveled at him told him that he had guessed incorrectly. Since the question had apparently been genuine, he attempted an answer, "Nyota, Kirk invited me several days ago to..."

"I don't care if Kirk invited you several _years_ ago while making a pact on a bridge in Belgium," Uhura seethed. Spock quickly tried to determine the significance her statement before she became any angrier. _Perhaps the Belgians were a particularly trustworthy race and their bridges..._ "Are you even paying attention to me?" Uhura's voice had gone up a notch, and Spock's eyes snapped back to her. "We are in a relationship now. I'm supposed to be a priority. You should put me...well, if not first, then second, or third...certainly higher than..." Nyota's face twisted alarmingly. "..Kirk!"

A tendril of understanding curled his mind. "Nyota," he said gently. "You are my priority. My number one."

Her face untwisted, opening up to its usual lovely expanse. "Well then, why do you want to play poker. _poker_. tonight. with _Kirk._?" Her countenance dropped into a little pout that Spock found illogically rousing. "And why the Hell can't I come?...not that I would want to." She looked up at Spock with her big, brown eyes. "Don't you want to be with me tonight? Hold me? Rest your head on my breast? Let me wrap my legs around you?" She moved toward him, against him, resting her palms on his chest and tilting her lips up until they grazed his chin.

_Why did I agree to play this inferior game of strategy with the Captain?_ Spock found it difficult to reconstruct the train of thought that had lead to the decision. Kirk had said human beings sometimes needed to bond with members of their same gender, that it was restorative, that there were certain topics that could be discussed more comfortably among members of the same sex. The explanation had seemed, if not logical to Spock, at least plausible when it came to humans.

Kirk had also said human women occasionally needed their men to "put their foot down" and refuse their wishes for companionship. Although human women would always - illogically, Kirk emphasized - complain about this, such behavior on the part of men subconsciously reinforced women's respect for them. He warned Spock that if he were not to do so from time to time, Uhura would soon "walk all over him" and eventually view him with contempt.

The idea that Uhura's respect would slowly be eaten away by his lack of machismo had been terribly unsettling. Although he viewed Kirk's advice as generally suspect, he had to recognize that Kirk possessed a certain...facility when it came to women that seemed to support his claims to knowledge. Spock also decided that participating in human male bonding might also develop his fledgling relationships with the other senior officers. With this in mind, he had accepted Kirk's invitation. At the moment, however, with the scent of Uhura surrounding him and the feel of her body against his, such reasoning suddenly seemed pale, shallow, feeble...

"I'm sorry, Nyota," he said, managing to pull himself away slightly. "I gave my word that I would attend tonight's activities. You would not respect me if I were the kind of man who did not keep his promises."

The ice recrystallized instantly in her eyes. "Fine. But don't come looking for me afterwards when you're _inevitably_ disappointed in the evening. Just know that I'm going to remember this - women do not forget these things - that you would rather go boozing with Kirk and gossip about what girls you're screwing..." and with that she gave him a pointed look, "than be with me."

Spock looked at her imploringly, or in his closest approximation to the expression. "Nyota, I would never share the intimate details of our relationship together. It would be..." He struggled with the perfect word. "...illogical."

Uhura snorted. "Sure, whatever." She turned to exit his quarters but paused before crossing the threshold. "And here I thought you were better than those macho jerks," she hissed as she disappeared out the door.

_But did Kirk not say that human women wanted macho men?_

************************************************************************

Later that evening....

A firm hand clapped him on the back before his look of disdain caused it too be recoiled. "Oops, sorry about that Spock. I'm just so excited that you came." Kirk's grin seemed genuine, and Spock relaxed.

"I appreciate the invitation," Spock intoned. Although Spock would have preferred to stay in his quarters _with Nyota_, it was true that a part of him felt gratified by the idea that his fellow shipmates wanted to socialize with him. Around the table in Kirk's quarters, the rest of the group had already assembled: Mr. Scott - Scotty they now called him, Dr. McCoy - also with a new moniker, Bones - Chekov, and Sulu. They had been holding an animated discussion just before he arrived - his sensitive hearing had picked up the muffled sounds as he approached Kirk's quarters - but at his entrance, they had fallen silent, looking up at him with a combination of welcome and curiosity.

"Captain, am I late? I believe I understood the start time of the game would be 2200 hours. It is 2200 now."

"Ah, no, Spock. The rest of the guys and I have been doing what is sometimes known as pre-gaming." There were appreciative nods around the table. At Spock's quizzical look, Kirk continued. "We were drinking. Alcohol. I figured you wouldn't be interested in that, so I just told you to show up for the poker."

Spock lifted his chin slightly. "Captain, your reasoning was unflawed." As he sat, Scotty immediately began passing out cards.

"Mr. Spock, do you know how to play Warped Poker?" Scotty asked.

"I familarized myself with the rules as well as a variety of strategies before arriving." For some reason, this response resulted in chuckling among his peers.

Scotty nodded. "I'm sure you did, Mr. Spock. I'm sure you did, and I'm going to bet that even though this is your first poker night, you will be a formidable opponent."

"The strategy _I'm_ interested in," Kirk interrupted, "is the one you used to get Uhura to let you come."

Spock tilted his head. Something in Kirk's question stirred a vague sensation of irritation, but he suppressed it. "Captain, I do not understand your question. I did not employ any strategy, as I did not require Lt. Uhura's permission to attend this evening."

Giving him a sideways glance, Kirk muttered, "Sure, you didn't." At this, a few members of the party covered their mouths with their cards, leaving Spock to wonder if it was some sort of poker tactic. Experimentally, he brought his cards up to his lips.

Kirk picked up his cards, snorted, and set them back down. "Yes, I was pretty sure you were going to cancel. I mean, it's probably been a while since the two of you have had any _private_ time together. Didn't she...I don't know...request your attendance in her bedroom tonight?" The players looked at Spock expectantly, but he merely looked at Kirk coolly.

"Captain, I will not discuss the intimate details of my relationship with Lt. Uhura."

"Yes, Jim," Bones interjected. "Not all relationships between a man and woman are *intimate* at all." Although Bones' statement seemed to be supportive of Spock's stance, he again felt a stirring of irritation. _He is implying that Nyota and I have never..._ Spock had always deeply desired privacy. Why Bones' implication was unpleasant to him, he was unsure. _He should simply not say anything._

Kirk glanced at Sulu, who then spoke up. "Spock, it's just that many human women, once they find a sexual partner, find it difficult to..uh..go without..for extended periods of time. It can make them highly irritable. Irrational even. I think the Captain was just concerned that Lt. Uhura might not be in the proper frame of mind tomorrow."

As Spock considered Sulu's statement, the other players shifted slightly in their seats. Kirk nodded with apparent concern. Though Spock did not want to reveal any personal information, he felt obligated to inform the Captain if there was a potential for conflict. Considering Nyota's reaction earlier, he believed the possibility for another conflict was at least 40%. Finally Spock spoke. "It is possible that Lt. Uhura will be...distracted tomorrow."

Kirk leaned toward Spock ever so slightly, his voice soft and sympathetic. "She was irritated tonight, wasn't she?"

Spock nodded.

"You know it's difficult for women when they've..gone without for a few days, and it's been what? A week, probably, right?" The room was hushed, and Kirk gave him an empathetic half smile.

"Two weeks," Spock replied.

There was general murmur after he spoke, freezing him like a rod. _I revealed something. I revealed that we.._ He noticed Bones shaking his head and handing some chips to Kirk. At Spock's piercing gaze, Bones stiffened. "Oh, I just..." Bones shot a glare at Kirk. "I just owed Jim some money."

Spock relaxed. _Ah, they were murmuring over the exchange of money. They were not paying close attention to my statements. We will involve ourselves in strategy and this conversation will quickly be forgotten._ He almost smiled as Scotty tapped his glass with a spoon.

"Well, lads, I propose we start this bloody game of cards, but first I propose a toast. To Spock, the man who shagged the finest woman on the Enterprise.

***************************************************************************

As fascinated as everyone had been with their new discovery, Spock had clamped down. He would not reveal any more than had already been. One by one, the other men had grown bored with prodding him and the conversation had turned to other relationships.

"So Sulu, I heard you've developed a bit of a following." Kirk was again looking at his cards with disdain. Spock had observed that Kirk did this only when his hand was very good or very bad.

Sulu smiled vaguely but said nothing, concentrating his attention instead on his cards.

Scotty looked at the pilot with bright-eyed curiosity. "What's this?"

"Nothing," Sulu murmured. "The captain is trying to distract me."

"It's not nothing," Kirk grinned. "Although Sulu, if you're having trouble remembering how to play, I'd be more than happy to check out your cards for you." He leaned over as if to peak.

Sulu jerked his cards away. "Okay, I bet seventy. Captain, I believe it's you turn."

Without taking a second glance at his hand, Kirk threw in a purple chip. _It's a very good hand, _Spock noted, and calculated his odds accordingly. "Call," Kirk muttered, then grinned at Sulu. "Now Sulu, you don't want to tell the boys about your growing audience at fencing practice?"

Sulu shrugged. "Like I said, it's nothing." But he wore a sly smile.

"Oh, do tell," Scotty piped up, as he threw in a purple chip. "And I call."

When Sulu remained silent, Kirk happily stepped in. "Yes. Well. It seems Yeoman Stanislova has become fascinated with Sulu's skill with his...sword." The table chuckled. "She started showing up to watch Sulu in the dojo room at the athletic center. But that's not all. She must have also started talking about him, a _lot_, because each week more girls show up to watch. I think the count is up to 7 now."

"Eight," Sulu corrected without raising his eyes from his cards.

The table laughed. Kirk leaned back in his chair with a mocking lofty air. "And I do believe, if I'm not mistaken - and Lt. Sulu please correct me if I'm wrong - that the Yeoman Stanislova in question was seen whispering into your ear Wednesday night as she left the rec room. That was, I believe, shortly before you yourself were seen exiting the rec room...not to be seen again until the next morning."

Scotty's eyes widened. "Really!" He paused. "Yeoman Stanislova. She's the one in admin who..."

Bones cut in, grumbling. "Yeah, yeah, the knock-out who processes all the leave paperwork. Figures she'd go for a fly boy. Don't women appreciate the time and dedication it takes to become doctor?"

"At least you get to *see* women during the day." Scotty's voice raised a pitch or two. "Not only don't women want to shag me, but they don't even want to work in engineering division. We have 2 women," and Scotty raised 2 fingers to emphasize his point. "One is married, and the other is an octupoid...although she is rather well-formed for her species...."

Sulu looked up from his cards, and Spock thought that Sulu would encourage Kirk to make a play, but instead Sulu focused on Bones and Scotty. Spock made a few calculated approximations and realized alarmingly that at their current rate of progression, the poker match would last until 0400._ We could finish much more quickly if people refrain from such conversational diversions. Perhaps, I will mention this to them._ Before he could decide how to word his admonishment, Sulu spoke up.

"Guys, it's not the jobs that are the problem." He paused, smirking. "Although being a pilot doesn't hurt." Bones scowled. "The problem is you guys don't have any other interests. Bones, your only hobby is complaining." He continued over the doctor's protests. "And Scotty. Man. You need to stop talking about the reactor as if it's your girlfriend."

Sulu shook his head, smiling. "You know, I could teach you a little fencing if you want." Bones snorted. "Laugh if you want, but the ladies like the gear." He paused. "Some of them _really _like it."

Chekov, who had been silent up to then, spoke up. "Do you think you could teach *me* some fencing?"

Spock's voice cut into the conversation like a disapproving teacher. _If someone does not attempt to progress this game, we will not finish at all._ "I fold."

"Spock, you can't fold," Kirk scolded. "It's not even your turn." Spock sighed as Kirk turned his attention back to Sulu. _Nyota was completely correct in her assessment of the evening. I shall report this to her tomorrow and she will be pleased that I recognized her shrewdness._

"So, Sulu," Kirk drawled. "Did you?"

Sulu looked at him innocently.

"Did I what?"

Kirk rolled his eyes. "Did you have sexual relations with Yeoman Stanislova? Sheesh."

Sulu again said nothing, but a wide grin slowly spread across his face. The table erupted in hoots and congratulations. "You dog!" "You lucky bastard." "You sly devil!"

Scotty took a swig of his whiskey. "All right, you devil. How was it?"

Sulu was silent, but a grinning Kirk clasped him on the shoulder. "Come come, my good man," he said with a fake English accent. "Share and share alike."

"Well..." Sulu said drawing out the suspense. "She had a very skillful mouth..." A ripple of sighs and exclamations rounded the table. "...as did the friend that she brought with her."

The table erupted again, this time the cacophony rising to almost painful levels. "What? WHat? WHAT?" Kirk kept repeating at an increasing volume each time. Scotty had completely jumped out of his chair, grabbed Sulu by the shoulders, and was shaking him vigorously. Bones shook his head, grumbling, "Damn fly boys!" And Chekov, with a bewildered look on his face, was asking to anyone who might listen, "Wait. Wait. Are you saying zat zere were *two* women?"

Only Spock sat coolly at the table, his only reaction a rise of the eyebrow at the agitated activity around him.

"Gentlemen," he finally interrupted. "Are we here to play poker or simply discuss sexual encounters all evening?"

Bones glared. "Mr. Spock," his words dripping with sarcasm, "please excuse us _gentlemen_ who, unlike one of us here..." and at that Spock found himself grow uncomfortable, "..are not blessed with a woman's touch whenever we desire it. We _gentlemen_ can get just a bit excited by the idea."

Kirk looked at Spock with amusement. "Spock, buddy. This is all part of the game of poker. You sit around. You talk about ...whatever ...women, sports, your boat..."

"Captain, I do not have a boat."

"I know Spock. I'm speaking generally here. Now, where was I ...women, fishing, cars, women..."

"I believe you have already said, 'women,' twice before."

Kirk smiled through slightly gritted teeth. "I'm emphasizing a point. Men like to talk about women..well, straight men anyway...especially when playing poker. In fact," he paused, an odd look growing on his face, "you could say it's something of a necessary requirement of the game."

Spock's eyebrow rose skeptically. "That is quite different from other games of strategy I have encountered. There was nothing in the tutorials about this."

"That's because you have to learn poker by playing poker," Kirk responded smoothly. "And this is how you play poker. For example, look at poor Scotty," and he pointed as the Scotsman downed another whiskey, shaking his head with jealous amazement. "That little revelation just took Scotty out of the running. Look at him and tell me if he isn't down for the count."

Spock had to admit Scotty's analytical skills did appear to quite shaky at the moment. "Indeed."

Kirk nodded gravely. "You could say that it's part of the strategy. Distract your opponents, and you increase your chances of success. And what could be more distracting than women?"

An image of Uhura's smooth, dark form suddenly appeared in Spock's mind, and he swallowed hard. Unable to think of anything more appropriate to say, Spock simply repeated, "Indeed."

"So in the spirit of the game, why don't you share a bit." Adopting a formal air, Kirk asked casually, "How's Uhura's talented tongue?"

Spock immediately stiffened. "I will not discuss intimate details of my relationship with Lt. Uhura."

"Oh, come on Spock," Kirk griped. "You gotta tell us something." When Spock failed to budge, Kirk nodded his head slowly as if something were dawning upon him. "Oh, I understand. It's okay. Not all women are willing to please their men in such a way. I guess it can be a little embarrassing for a guy to admit."

"Don't worry, Spock," Scotty said gently. "A long time ago I loved a wee lass who wasn't very experienced in bedroom activities. But I loved her, so it didn't matter that was unskilled."

Sulu and Kirk exchanged almost imperceptible glances before Sulu spoke up. "You know there are different kinds of human women. Some women," he paused to grin, "like Yeoman Stanislova....kind of take pride in their fellating abilities. Other women...well..."

Spock's jaw hardened ever so slightly. _How can they possibly compare Nyota unfavorably to Yeoman Stanislova, or any woman for that matter?_ "If you are implying that Lt. Uhura's skills in this capacity are subpar or otherwise lacking, you are mistaken. I can assure you that just as in all other aspects of her life, she performs extraordinarily." Spock's demeanor relaxed slightly, reassured that he had defended Nyota from a backhanded insult.

A hoot pierced the air. "I knew it!" Kirk shouted. "I knew Uhura liked to lick the lollipop. Did I not say it?" Kirk and Sulu pointed at each other and then touched their own noses.

An unfamiliar flavor of dread began to take hold of Spock. In a breath, he recalculated the odds of a conflict with Nyota having increased to at least 60%. _How did that happen? How had they gotten him to reveal yet more of his private relationship with Nyota?_ As Spock reconsidered the last few minutes of dialogue, his sense of growing concern must have shown ever so slightly on his features, because Bones seemed to take pity on him. "Jim," Bones drawled wryly, "I'd like to remind you that you are captain of a starship."

Kirk glanced at Spock and then grinned at Bones. "Okay, okay. You're right." He turned back to Spock. "Don't worry, Spock. It's no big deal. We all knew she did it already."

Spock's look of alarm at this statement quickly transformed into something that looked like anger, and Kirk amended his words.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant that almost all human women do it. It actually would have been weird to learn that she didn't. We were just playing around, teasing you. It's all part of the game. Now, what do you bet, 'cause it's your turn...unless we've ruffled you too much for you to continue."

"Certainly not," Spock retorted. and looked down at his cards to decide his move, at which point Kirk took the opportunity to glance around the table and make a gesture like wiping sweat from his brow. The rest of the table, even Bones, barely suppressed a laugh.

**************************************************************

Much to Spock's chagrin, the game continued late into the night, the conversation meandering around subjects as varied as all-time most masculine sports cars (Kirk said the Torreador 8), interesting planets where they might be able to squeeze in shore leave (Chekov calculated 3 intriguing possibilities), next generation warp drives (only Spock and Scotty cared), and the worst diseases in the universe (Bones claimed at least 42 equally terrible choices, but only made it to 11 before they stopped him).

Eventually and inevitably, talk crept back to women.

"You mean you've never?" Kirk asked incredulously.

Chekov blushed furiously, only managing to shake his head in response.

"Not even a blow job?" Again, Chekov shook his head no.

"What are they teaching in high school these days?" Kirk wondered aloud.

"Keptain," Chekov said. "I was only 14 when I graduated high school."

"That's no excuse!"

Scotty plunked a glass of whiskey before the young ensign. "That's all right, lad. I've always found a stiff drink to be a tolerable alternative to female companionship."

"Here, here to that," Bones chimed in, and he and Scotty clinked glasses. Sulu chuckled. "What were those planets you said we could visit, Chekov? One of them must have a red light district. We've got to get you some head."

"At least!" Kirk added, slapping his palm on the table.

"Gentlemen," Spock intoned. By this time, he had long surrendered his attempts to speed up the pace of the game, and decided instead to approach the evening as an opportunity for anthropological observation. "May I ask a personal query?...although considering the conversation thus far, it may not be as personal as I previously thought."

Bones raised one eyebrow while simultaneously furrowing both in his characteristic way that seemed to defy human physiology. "Please, Mr. Spock. I'd love to hear this."

"I am curious about your emphasis on the act of fellatio above all others."

The others around the table smirked but found themselves at a loss for words.

"I don't know, Spock." Sulu said somewhat incredulously. "Fellatio...just...pretty much kicks ass." He and Kirk nodded at each other and tapped their beer bottles in a toast. "I wouldn't think one guy would need to explain to another guy why that is." The other men chuckled knowingly, except Chekov who played along.

Spock was unmoved. "What I mean to say is, while I agree that the act of fellatio is pleasurable, I do not understand why you emphasize it over all other sexual acts. I myself generally prefer to be..." Spock faltered, doubting suddenly if drawing them further into the discussion was wise. He had thought to gain a better understanding of the human male viewpoint on sex, but wondered if offering his own opinion was crossing the line. _But the present company seems to be incapable of imagining an alternate viewpoint. _Finally, he decided Nyota would not mind if he offered his personal opinions simply as discussion aids. "...to have contact that is closer to...face-to-face."

Bones smirked. "Awww. So the Vulcan's a romantic. Who'd have guessed?"

Shooting Bones a glance that Spock could not interpret, Kirk retorted. "No, that's not it. I think our little Uhura doesn't like doing it too much and has convinced poor Spock here the old missionary position is best."

Spock frowned. "Captain, clearly you have misunderstood my meaning. Lt. Uhura is more than willing, eager one could say..." At this, the rest of the group coughed almost in unison. In Scotty's case, the coughing seemed profound enough to warrant turning away from the table and covering his mouth. Bones mouthed something toward Kirk that Spock did not quite catch. It looked like, "You are a bad man." Spock was not sure of the implications of this, so he continued. "...yet despite her willingness, I do not frequently allow her to perform thusly."

"Wait, Mr. Spock," Scotty said, having recovered from his short-lived ailment. "Did you say you do not _allow_ her to perform fellatio, even when she's willin'?"

"Can we all stop using the word 'fellatio' please?" Kirk interjected. "I feel like I'm in an Italian opera."

Spock ignored Kirk's request. "Yes, Mr. Scott. As I tried to explain earlier. I find other...positions to be more intimate, and therefore generally discourage Lt. Uhura from performing fellatio."

Bones nodded his head slowly. "Mr. Spock, sir, you are a gentleman."

Kirk scrunched his face in disgust. "Bones, you're not telling me that you agree with Spock on this?"

Bones gave Kirk a withering glance. "And Jim, you are _not_ a gentleman." Kirk shrugged good-naturedly. Bones raised his glass in the air. "To Commander Spock, an officer and a gentleman."

"To Spock!" the rest agreed, and took the opportunity to down some more alcohol.

"Gentlemen," Spock said. "While I appreciate the accolade, you still have not answered my question."

Shaking his head, Sulu sighed. "Later, Spock. We'll explain later."

*********************************************************************

And so it continued until the first man went down (Scotty, who was content to stay and drink), then the second man (Chekov, who was content to stay and listen), and then Bones. Bones, however, was not interested in waiting for the conclusion, which he imagined would be yet another showdown between Kirk and Spock.

"Well, I'm all tapped out, and drunk and tired besides. I'm turning in for the night." He stretched and rose to gather his things.

Kirk set down his cards and rose as well. "Hey Bones, before you leave, I have something to give you." When Bones frowned, Kirk sighed in exasperation. "I got some new porn, and I was going to share the wealth." Kirk winked. "It's got some dark-haired lovelies, just like you like."

"What about me?" Scotty scoffed.

"And me," sniped Sulu.

"And me," Chekov bravely added.

Kirk held up his hands in placating gesture. "Don't worry. You'll get your turn." He pointed at Sulu. "Except you. You have a real woman...maybe two."

"Discrimination," Sulu muttered.

"For what?" Kirk cried.

Sulu grinned. "For being so damned sexy."

Kirk turned to Spock. "You don't get any either."

"I assure you, Captain. I have no interest."

"You say that now. You haven't seen what's on these media drives." He turned back to Bones, handing him one of the drives. "Bones, there's this girl on here. Mind-blowingly hot. She gives this blow job. Totally deep throats it." Kirk shook his head in appreciation. "I mean, to. the. hilt." And he punctuated each word with a finger to Bones' chest. You're gonna thank me for that."

Bones frowned, but pocketed the drive before gathering up his belongings.

As Kirk sat back at the table, Spock tilted his head in curiousity. "Gentlemen, may I ask another..."

"Yes, Spock!" Kirk barked.

"Do not most human women, when they perform fellatio, 'deep-throat it' as you say?"

"No, Spock," Kirk sighed. "Most human women aren't able to..." Kirk stopped as a realization overtook him. "Wait, what?"

"In my experience, taking a man's penis unto the base is the method by which a woman performs fellatio. I do not understand how else it would be performed."

The room became silent. Even Bones stopped his drunken search for his communicator.

"In your _personal_ experience?" Kirk asked in disbelief.

"Yes."

The collection of eyes in the room simultaneously widened. Each man there had at one point or another, in the gym showers or the medical examination rooms, spied the Vulcan's substantial 'equipment.' The idea that someone had taken it all in - someone not in the adult film industry - was simply shocking.

"Spock, how many women, _human_ women, have you...experienced fellatio with?" Kirk's eyes were now so wide, it appeared they might pop out of their sockets.

Spock drew himself up to his full height. "Kirk, I do not appreciate the vulgar implication that I have allowed multiple women to perform fellatio on me. My experience in this regard has been just one." He leveled a cool gaze at Kirk, certain he had upheld Nyota's honor. "Of course, just one."

The room, though it might have seemed impossible, became even more silent. Sulu's jaw dropped open and the cards Chekov had been holding idly fell onto the floor scattering in all directions.

Kirk appeared to be in physical pain. His face, clamped into an intense frown, struggled to stutter out the words, "Spock. Spock....tell me...why again do you not _allow_ Uhura to do this to you at every. possible. living. breathing. moment of your _life_?!"

It was then that it occurred to Spock that offering his personal views on sex may have been unwise.

**********************************************************************

The next afternoon...

As he stood outside her door, Spock wondered absently if buying Nyota a gift with the winnings of the previous evening would have a soothing effect on her. Would she be placated to know that the semi-public revelations about their sex life had been an effective strategy against Kirk and Sulu? He immediately discounted that possibility as ridiculous.

He might have been tempted to bask secretly at his success if it were not for the feeling he currently had waiting to confront Nyota. _It is illogical fear the woman that you love, and yet I feel what can only be described as terror._ The fact that he was the victor of Kirk's poker match would be of little consolation to her once she learned of his indiscretions. To say that he did not relish breaking the news to her would be an understatement.

Nevertheless, he stood outside her door waiting for her to emerge for watch, considering and reconsidering how to initiate the conversation. He was so engrossed in contemplation that he uncharacteristically failed to notice the door slide open.

"Spock!" Nyota said happily. "I'm so glad you're here."

Recovering from being caught off guard, he decided a direct confrontation of the issue was the best path. "Nyota," he began. It would be difficult admitting his massive error of judgment, and even more difficult withstanding the resulting fury, but he forged ahead with sheer force of will. "I must apologize for the events of last night..."

Nyota interrupted him. "No, you don't." He looked up in surprise. _She knows of the night's conversations and is not upset? _Nyota smiled sweetly at him and took his face in her hands. "Spock I was utterly exhausted yesterday and I missed you and I wanted to relax with you. But I slept on the issue - literally, I slept over 12 hours, which was wonderful by the way - and now I feel I was overreacting."

Spock said nothing. She had not heard the details of the previous night. He needed to push ahead with his apology. Before he could speak, however, Nyota started walking away. "Come on. Let's walk and talk. Otherwise, we'll be late for watch." Spock had no choice but to follow and try to insert his apology when there was a pause.

"I want you to have other friends," Nyota continued, walking toward the lift. "I actually am really happy that the guys invited you to their little poker night. As much as I would have loved to be with you last night, it's clear that I needed to sleep. And I think it would be nice if you formed a bond with some of the other officers. Did you have a nice time?"

Spock was at a loss for words. Should he say, no? He certainly should not say, yes. "Nice is a vague term," he finally answered.

Nyota smirked. "Okay, how can I put this? Do you feel that you forged at least a tentative bond of friendship with the others?"

He chose his words carefully. "The card game was considerably longer than I had expected, approximately 5.2 hours long. During that time, we conversed of various topics, some of which were personal and normally private in nature."

The smirk was still there as they reached the lift and Nyota pressed the button to enter. "You guys talked about women, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"And sex."

Spock gave a single nod. _Perhaps she does know._ A flutter of hope stirred in his heart. The door of the lift opened, and as they entered he managed to say, "So you are not upset by my participation last night?"

"No, Spock."

"Does this mean that you are no longer bothered by the concerns you voiced earlier?"

Nyota tilted her head in a way that Spock found inexplicably endearing. "Which concerns?"

"I believe you already referred to them: discussions about women with whom we are having sexual relations."

Again Nyota smiled sweetly at him. "I realized that if you're going to be friends with those guys, it's inevitable that you're going to hear some pretty raunchy talk. And just because you're listening doesn't mean you're participating. Right baby?"

In the privacy of their quarters or in this case the lift, Nyota sometimes sprinkled illogical endearments into her sentences. Normally, it triggered a feeling of warmth in Spock's chest. At the moment, though, it felt like an icy tickle of what was to come. He tried to swallow, but found he could not.

Nyota laughed. "You're the epitome of discretion. I don't know why on Earth I was worried that you'd tell our business to everyone." Then, just before the doors opened onto the bridge, she leaned over to give him a quick kiss.

It was too late for him to explain what had happened, what he had unintentionally revealed. He would have to wait until they had a break. But as they stepped onto the bridge, he saw that he would not have to wait at all.

The appreciative looks in Nyota's direction were bold enough to stop her in her tracks. Spock might have become enraged if not for the dread that flooded him as he spotted his watch station. Draped across his control panel was a large banner that read, "Enterprise's #1 Stud."

Somewhere in his mind he registered Nyota's voice growling, "Spock?!" All sweetness had been replaced with lead. _Odds of a conflict with Nyota: 100%._


End file.
